Tell Your Stories

I love a good story. Who doesn’t? We are all drawn to stories and story tellers. Stories entertain us, reveal us and help us better understand each other and the world around us. In this way, stories aren’t just entertaining, but also practical. They help us organize and arrange data in ways that allow us to make sense of our lives. We all experience the universal themes of life; heartache, love, longing, failure, betrayal, friendship, and so many more. Stories help us make sense of these experiences and feelings. It’s not an overstatement to say stories make up the essence of all of our lives. And I believe, all those stories need to be told.

Unfortunately, we often leave the telling of stories to the “professionals”. The writers and directors and actors we invite into our lives and homes on a regular basis. Maybe we think our stories are too small or too boring or too mundane to be told. As a therapist, I know that a lot of us also think our stories are too painful or too shameful to tell. So we hide. And because we hide, the stories that we have inside of us stay undeveloped and unfinished.

Imagine the writer of Toy Story staying content with the idea; “a child’s toys come to life and move around his room while the child goes to school”. A fun concept to be sure, but not a fully developed and fleshed out story. In fact this isn’t really a story at all but just an interesting idea of a story. What if you were just living the interesting idea of you and not the fully realized story of you. In my therapeutic work I see this play out all the time with clients. They come in with a limited and truncated sense of themselves. They come in with an undeveloped and unexamined life story.

Over a decade ago I participated in an intensive Trauma-Focused Narrative Training with The Allender Center, where I was invited to reexamine the events and stories that shaped my life. The main teacher at the intensive, Dan Allender, told the participants that we function best when we are people full of faith, hope and love. I loved the idea of this then and still do today. To live a story full of faith, hope and love, I knew I needed to do some work.

As I looked more deeply into the stories from my past, over the course of four long weekend trainings, I started to see how both the significant and seemingly insignificant experiences and incidents from my past shaped me as a person. For example, telling my childhood stories of betrayal, where I was lied to and left unprotected as a child, I was able to see how it shaped my tendency to mistrust others and question everything. Additionally, since people aren’t to be trusted, these past experiences set me up to disconnect from my own wants and needs and then

the few needs I did acknowledge, I vowed to take care of on my own. This pattern kept me busy and productive, but also isolated, distrusting of others and resentful of people who voiced and pursued their wants and needs. I saw that I was out of balance and living out of balance was exhausting.

I believe that most of us settle for living an unexamined life and that we don’t embrace our full story. Consequently, we often feel unknown. We leave the deepest, richest and messiest parts of ourselves hidden and tucked away, because we think we know all about those parts. Those parts are unacceptable or embarrassing or maybe just under developed. We all too readily accept the narratives that shame, fear and embarrassment have written for us, and we play it safe. And yet we all have that ache within us to be fully known, fully seen, and fully accepted. We need to tell our stories to gain perspective, challenge old narratives and not settle for limiting storylines.

The journey I started over 10 years ago I am still walking. I took a risk and began to tell my stories of tragedy, heartache, and pain and found beauty and a more fully realized sense of self because I allowed others to bear witness to my stories and accept feedback. I allowed others to help me see my stories with more fullness and accuracy. Through the process, I learned how I often minimize the pain I have experienced as well as the beauty I possess. By telling my stories I witnessed others weeping with me and becoming angry on my behalf. I continue to this day engaging my stories with others and have no plans of stopping. Why? Because I want what was stolen from me. I want what was muted and underdeveloped in me to be vibrant and lush. I want to be the best and fullest version of myself.

The Allender Center teaches, “You can only take people as far as you have been.” And I have found that to be true. I can only take my clients, my children, my friends, and my colleagues as far as I have been willing to go myself. We would love to walk along side you in your journey and help you develop your life story further. At my practice, The Art of Living Counseling Center, we are committed to providing participants with a variety of story groups that fit particular needs and offer a number of opportunities to do additional Story work and trainings.

We offer both in-person story groups and virtual story groups. I also offer an advanced training in Trauma-focused Narrative Group Training for those who are already versed in story work and want to become better equipped to facilitate story groups on your own. No matter if you are wanting to start a therapy group, process group, work in a church setting or smaller house group, we have a workshop or training that will fit your needs. Please visit our GROUPS and TRAININGS pages on our website for more information. Tell your story and help other tell theirs.